I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize