I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
