I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
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