Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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