He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
you made out with another girl for some wings
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
