So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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