don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
