Banned from zoo.
Again?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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