mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
soo... how was my night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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