How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
