After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
