Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
