Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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