Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
