bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I touched a dick in church today
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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