It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
