So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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