I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
