Your dad touched me again.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
