I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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