It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
