Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I intend to get homeless drunk
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
