break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
