I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
