Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
