Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
