hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
