There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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