He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize