Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
