my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
