i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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