im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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