how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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