i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
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On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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