she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
