Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.