I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize