I'm passing your future prison.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.