I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's shark week go big or go home
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
