bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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