Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
