Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
