ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
