hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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