Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
