Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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