Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
