you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
