Where is the hickey?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
