there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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