Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
