I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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