i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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