dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
3pm strippers are depressing
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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