There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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