It's like God shit irony all over that family
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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