Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
