quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
