they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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