just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
