when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
