there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
