Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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