between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
