yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
