he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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