So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
