in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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