I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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