I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
