OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
